The Blog Slob

I'm Trippin' Pizza Face

2010-09-28T16:26:00.002-04:00

Song by the Olsen twins and their weird creepy friends singing about pizza all slow like and trippy.

Best Commercial Ever

2010-09-10T14:36:00.001-04:00

You decide. Ray Lewis in a soapy bubble outfit riding a Raven that shoots lasers... Seriously, Awesome.

Yahoo Answers are Brilliant

2010-09-10T14:29:00.003-04:00

This is one of the best things I've seen on the internet ever. Please take the time to go through all 30+. It is well worth the time.

http://www.collegehumor.com/pictures/gallery:yahoo_answers#1940413

Bed Intruder

2010-09-10T14:18:00.002-04:00

I's sure you have all see this by now but I wanted to post it anyway. The original Bed Intruder. Words cant describer Antoine Dodson. Reminds me of a kid i used to work with. Now you can run and tell that!

Special Bonus AutoTune Version. Best Autotune ever made.

Eat Da Poo Poo

2010-09-10T14:17:00.001-04:00

People in Uganda had gays. Watching this video you can clearly see why after you describe it like that.

Drinking out of Cups

2010-09-10T14:12:00.003-04:00

An oldie but a goodie, rumor has it that this is a recording of someone on LSD locked in a closet.

It's True, He is...

2010-06-03T10:58:00.002-04:00

see more Epic Fails

People getting Owned

2010-06-02T16:00:00.002-04:00

Its been a while so here are two new videos of morons for your enjoyment.

The Retarded Mosh Pit

2010-03-30T11:07:00.001-04:00

Before you pass judgement and damn me to hell, you have to at least appreciate how happy they all are.

Terribly wrong...or just right?

Fetus' cant do the work of a mexican damn'it

2010-01-12T12:33:00.000-05:00

Snooki Streetfighter

2009-12-21T13:20:00.002-05:00

I hate MTV and guidos so obviously i found this very appealing and actually laughed out loud.

Little Verne and His Unsatiable Urge

2009-12-14T17:22:00.001-05:00

It's subtly suggestive but the kid knows how to treat a woman.

Now Flush

2009-12-08T13:24:00.002-05:00

I think she pretty accurately describes what she is doing.

Rick-Rolled

2009-11-13T14:31:00.003-05:00

People get upset about getting Rick-Rolled. I look at it as a blessing. Little rays of sunshine touch my rosy cheeks when I hear the opening drum beat floating from the synthesizer like a baby angels whisper. Either way, here is some trivia for you.

Children of the Corn Tomato Sauce

2009-11-06T13:25:00.002-05:00

The Japs have done it again. They never cease to amaze me with their fantastic advertising. It's like the chinpokomon episode of South Park only much more frightening as a army of caterpillar babies march upon an unsuspecting child of the corn eating plain romen.

I need you to do something for me

2009-11-06T13:24:00.001-05:00

Grab Life By the Oviduct

2009-11-05T15:00:00.003-05:00

Those guys at dodge are awesome. They turned a vagina into a ram or maybe its just what a rams vagina looks like. Im not sure. But its either grab life by the vagina or grab the oviduct by the horns. That should be the new slogan.

Fire in the hole

2009-11-05T14:57:00.002-05:00

Ok so I need to have this. Christmas is right around the corner hint hint. Must, harness, fire, so many marshmallows.... Its like that homo kid from X-Men that gets his ass beat by the bigger homo who turns into icepops.

Illegal Aliens

2009-11-03T22:19:00.001-05:00

This is an unbelievable bill that the heritage foundation is trying to pass through the white house to allow illegal aliens to walk freely into the US.

Wanna Play Cards

2009-11-03T21:27:00.001-05:00

This is a great card trick from an Aussie. Check it out and see if you can follow.

Drunkin Ewoks On Today Show

2009-11-02T13:56:00.002-05:00

This is great. These two drunk ewoks get out of hand and start fighting, dancing and humping. Worth the watch.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Something Sketchy Going On

2009-10-20T09:30:00.002-04:00

If you have a sense of humor like mine you will really appreciate these. This is a compilation of some fantastic cartoon sketches. I used to make flip book sketches in math class when i was a kid. It's Sexual and Violent!

Wacky Asian Game Shows

2009-10-17T21:18:00.002-04:00

I love Japanese game shows. For those of you who cant read Japanese this is a game show prank and they guy thinks there are snipers trying to take him out. Oh those wacky asians hahaha.

Terrifying Sniper Prank on Japanese TV - Watch more Funny Videos

Time to make the donuts.

2009-10-16T16:47:00.002-04:00

I think they were looking for a closer parking spot, that or a good loading zone. Either way, judging by the reaction of the employees I suspect there may be some extra fudge behind the counter.

The Akward Family Eye

2009-10-09T11:33:00.001-04:00

I'm not a huge fan of those awkward family photo websites but this one caught my eye. It just didn't seem to make any sense to me. Does anyone else know what is going on here?

I Like To pt 2

2009-10-09T11:25:00.002-04:00

I had so much fun with the "I like to" that I decided to try it with a few more terms. I tried "I have to" "I need to" and "I have a".

I Like To

2009-10-09T11:15:00.002-04:00

So I googled "I Like To" and the auto population responses were pretty good. I even decided to try taping my thumbs to my hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur. However I felt more like Danny Devito as the penguin than a dinosaur.

Caps are Ruining my Life

2009-10-08T13:45:00.001-04:00

This is awfully clever. I don't know how true it is but I googled it on Yahoo and the real results came up. You can see for yourself. YES TYPING IN ALL CAPS CAN AND WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE!

Oh Deer Lord No

2009-10-08T13:36:00.006-04:00

So I read this article and thought it was hysterical (yes, I am aware that Im sick). But I was really hoping for a photo or something... Alas to no avail! So I decided to do a slobs rendition. Probably not as good as the John Travolta rendition but hey.

SIOUX CITY, Iowa -- You'll never see this clown in the circus.
Animal control officers in Sioux City, Iowa, say someone dressed a dead deer in a clown suit and wig and put it on a family's porch.

Officers suspect it was a prank, considering Halloween is approaching, but they say it's not funny, safe or acceptable.

The deer was discovered Wednesday morning.

Animal Control Officer Jake Appel says leaving a dead animal is immature and illegal. He says officers will dispose of the deer properly.

Sioux City police have not opened an investigation.

A picture is worth a thousand words

2009-10-08T13:15:00.001-04:00

Travolta Head

2009-10-02T14:38:00.005-04:00

This is a court artist rendition of John Travolta in Aruba or where ever it was that his son died cause Scientologists wouldn't let him get treated. I just like this picture and I think it would look awesome blown up on the wall, but my version would have him pointing his left hand up in the air like the Saturday Night Fever dance.

100 Funnies of Youtube in under 5 minutes

2009-10-02T14:26:00.001-04:00

This is pretty funny. Obviously they are missing some, but its a great compilation to bob your head to while your chuckling under your breath so not to arise suspicion that your fooling around on youtube while your at work.

She likes it in the can

2009-10-02T14:24:00.002-04:00

I wish the title didnt give away what its about, but its still real funny.

Tourettes Guy

2009-08-31T13:30:00.001-04:00

A link to the Tourettes Guy soundboard. Fun for hours, turn up the volume and do it at work, trust me...

TourettesGuy Soundboard by ~ProfessorDoom on deviant ART

That's All I Do

2009-08-28T14:06:00.002-04:00

I was hoping this was gonna turn into a music video or something but its still funny anyhow (that's why i posted it). Sometimes i have daydreams about stuff like this... That's all i do!

The Poop Machine

2009-08-27T15:32:00.005-04:00

This deserves the award winner for the best invention ever! I thought the potty putter was good, but this is unbelievable! A machine that makes poo! The Belgium public is lapping up the poop! go to the website or check out the video.

I like Turtles

2009-08-27T14:45:00.002-04:00

John the zombie is a great zombie.... This Kid is a little weird (retarded) just watch him.

Skater or Die

2009-08-27T14:18:00.003-04:00

This video is fantastic! The dialogue, the cinematography, the bazooka! I don't know how they saw it behind the doll, i think i am going to incorporate a blowup doll (sorry Gordo I had to borrow it) into all my costumes and disguises from now on. Misdirection at its best!

Blockbuster is trying

2009-08-27T11:45:00.002-04:00

I suppose that with netflicks and online downloading its go to be hard to compete, but blockbuster is offering some good promotions it seems. Almost makes me want to renew my ahem..."member"ship.

The Barista gave me a black eye

2009-08-20T12:01:00.003-04:00

I went to Starbucks this morning and asked for a red-eye. For those who dont know, a red-eye is a coffee with a shot of espresso in it.

Either way, the girl behind the counter says "how about I give you a black-eye...no extra charge."

So I said to the broad "Excuse me! I don't know who you think your talking to, but I think you better get your manager over here before you get me upset."

At which point the two Baristas started laughing and continued to explain that a black-eye was two shots of espresso not one, and she was throwing it in free of charge.

...sweet

Spielberg is from the Moon, not Uranus

2009-08-18T11:43:00.003-04:00

I am not making this up. Please read the second to last paragraph. I took this directly from Wikipedia, for all you folks who swear by everything they read on the internet.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steven_Speilberg

Ask Charles Manson what He Thinks...

2009-08-14T14:33:00.003-04:00

This guy might not be ready to be paroled and face society just yet. Watch the video.

Potty Putter Video!

2009-08-14T12:42:00.004-04:00

This is awesome and I need one. My birthday is right around the corner, hint hint. He's right, when your bored you rush and that's not healthy.

The Pakistani Minotaur

2009-08-14T12:35:00.002-04:00

This is awesome. Its like a Pakistani Minotaur or something. Watch how he negotiates his way right through.

The Goat Fetched Soup

2009-08-04T17:24:00.001-04:00

I love the Zohan and this is one of my favorite parts of the movie.

Idiots in America are Hysterical

2009-08-04T12:35:00.002-04:00

I love these people, they make my life easier by pumping my gas, serving me food and answering the customer support hot lines. If most of the people in society weren't so dumb I might only have an average intellect. And for the record there was only 1 question I didn't know the answer to and it was about the bible.

Jesus Riding A Dinosaur

2009-08-03T16:46:00.001-04:00

Yes it may not be true, but its absolutely awesome and powerful.

Real American Hero

2009-07-30T13:38:00.001-04:00

Graphs are very instrumental in explaining a point to someone. This is an example of something we all should know and knowing is...well you know...

Sad Face

2009-07-30T10:28:00.002-04:00

This is what I looked like growing up as a little girl.

The Liberals and The Half-Black Prince

2009-07-27T22:53:00.000-04:00

Need Money? Here take mine

2009-07-27T13:58:00.002-04:00

"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it." - Dr. Adrian Rogers, 1931 – 2005

Jamie Out Foxes Other Comedians

2009-07-24T09:16:00.004-04:00

In every roast of a famous person there's always that one guy who has no idea who the person being roasted is, and most of the time no one else knows who that comedian is. This is a perfect example of a guy who has no business being there. I never thought I would say thank god for Jamie Fox (i used one X in fox because two x's should only be used in pornstar names), but he definitely saved the roast by making it his goal to humiliate this bonehead. You would think with Emmit Smith's money you could find someone a little funnier.

The Outfield

2009-07-24T09:11:00.001-04:00

Everyone love the outfield and i thought it would be nice to share.

G5 Playa

2009-07-20T14:41:00.002-04:00

I really just wish he could be a good guy, a funny actor, I mean movies like risky business and top gun he was awesome. Unfortunately he was brainwashed by the rest of the scientologists and has been doing obscure interviews and youtube videos.

I love this clip however, it is almost a flashback to the brilliance he once had. Besides this he might be one of the best characters in the past three years. Swingin past ya knees playa!

Hump Day

2009-07-10T14:16:00.002-04:00

It's been a busy day I know, so I dont have much more and normally I would save this for later but it had to go up. Imagine a pit bull when he is humping your leg, he can most likely bite off your arm, but you don't want him to make a mess of the weird tribal sun tattoo on your calve...Dilemma.

Meet Rampage Jackson, not exactly the kind of guy you want to mess with. Kinda like the pit bull on your leg. So what do you do when it's a petite reporter and not your hairy man calve? Let him finish I guess.

Rampage Dry Humps Cagepotato Reporter - Watch more Funny Videos

Zombie Disgusting

2009-07-10T10:32:00.002-04:00

So Andy Milonakis is clearly frightening and disgusting enough without the zombie makeup and the reggae tune. I honestly think he probably eats everything put in front of him already so this wasnt much of a stretch. Watch closely and try and tally how many calories he consumes while he is supposed to be acting. Imagine what he consumes when he is supposed to be eating.

But I put it on you...What is more scary?

Encountering a hungry Andy Milonakis while you are selling candybars?
Or encountering a real zombie?

Screaming Dean

2009-07-10T10:20:00.002-04:00

Yes I understand that this happened in 2004 but I refuse to let Howard Dean or the rest of my friends forget. Personally I just fast forward to about 1:15, crank up the volume and laugh and laugh and laugh. YEAHHHH!

I Carried A Watermellon

2009-07-10T10:13:00.003-04:00

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Well to me it looks like Chuck Schumer wants Obama to go back to his roots. Yessa massa! thanks redbone.

Jennifer Garner Is A Genius

2009-07-10T09:37:00.002-04:00

Jennifer Garner is secretly trying to signal that she is about to leave Pancake Head for me. Yeah she definitely wants to smash, but how can you blame her.

Oh HERRO PREASE!

2009-07-10T09:27:00.004-04:00

These sneaky little Asians are so clever. Now they have figured out a way to impersonate Christopher Walken. I was actually surprised at how good some of them were. It's all part of their master plan to take over the world. Thanks Redbone. We so sorry, we forgot da prann!

Mmmm Cake

2009-07-09T17:17:00.002-04:00

So I supposed this is what happens when you don't go to an actual bakery. That or when the person who takes your order says "Hello? yeah, watch-u want. Uh, Yeah we could do dat. Aight ya'll can pick dat up on like tue-day. Uh-huh aight"

GIMME THAT FISH

2009-07-09T14:37:00.002-04:00

This song has been stuck in my head all day and I thought the only way to exercise the demon was to listen to it. Besides I was told that it could be me in that commercial head bobbing.

En Caso De Emergencia

2009-07-08T14:26:00.003-04:00

That's Mexican for in case of emergency. I like to think that Eric Cartman and I like hippies about equal amounts. And I imagine this picture was also spawned from that south park episode.

Families Starve But At Least The Fish Are Safe

2009-07-08T13:54:00.003-04:00

This story is atrocious. A bunch of tree hugging liberals in California want to protect a 2 inch minnow so the farmers in California are losing their jobs and homes, and cant afford to feed their families. Not to mention it raises the prices of all the crops that we get from California. Smelts are only good when fried in a pan with garlic, so if you cant eat them why bother saving them. Besides Ainsley Earhardt is hot so must believe what she says.

The Anti-Douchbag

2009-07-08T13:48:00.002-04:00

This is one of the best inventions of the 2000's. Forged from steel to help protect what matters most...your dignity. Use them on yourself or share them with that hipster you just met from brooklyn.

What Women want to hear

2009-07-07T16:07:00.003-04:00

Retard: i have been thinking alot about you

BlogSlob: what have you been thinking about

Retard: about how many yrs weve known each other and how much i adore you and i love the time we spend together over the yrs

BlogSlob: what else

Retard: and of coarse the sex we h ave is great

but thats not whats important to me

you are important to me i just gotta get over my fear is getting on a train alone

what do you think about when you think about me

BlogSlob: boobs

Retard: thats it!

Lunch Date Preparation

2009-07-02T13:47:00.000-04:00

BlogSlob: tomorrow im gonna drag my balls across your forehead so slowly your gonna think its a snail crawling across your head
CrazyGirl: Yuckkkkkkkk
BlogSlob: im gonna put butter on the bottom of them and make buttery paintings on your chest
stick hairs on it and make it look like a loin
CrazyGirl: Wtfff
That's some dumb stupid retarted shit to say lmfao
U didn't think of that
BlogSlob: hahahhaa
yes i did
and you loved it
CrazyChick: Lol
That's like when dude on that movie said when he took and shit and they hairs in the toilet make his shit look like a teddy bear
BlogSlob: hahahahha

Chuck Norris, Jean Claude & Steven Segal

2009-07-02T13:37:00.004-04:00

Personally I think Steve Segal is the biggest bad ass of them all. Jean Claud Van Gay punch snakes, both real and trouser. Chuck Norris never really kills people and seems to always be sweating... Mr Segal on the other hand, breaks arms, legs and necks.... He wrestles grizzly bears and yet still has time to make his own album, now that's a legit bad ass. Thanks Caped Tirader.

Bloodninja - papa johns

2009-07-01T11:35:00.001-04:00

Here is another Bloodninja for you. Breathtaking yet again!

Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate: K, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate: Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja: And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate: You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja: Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate: Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja: Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate: I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja: Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate: Umm...Yes
DirtyKate: So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja: Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja: You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja: I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate: So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja: How did you know?
Bloodninja: I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja: Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate: ooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja: So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate: Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja: I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate: What the fuck?
DirtyKate: You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate: F**k

Slap Chop Rap Chop

2009-07-01T11:28:00.003-04:00

All right stop collaborate and listen, Vince is back with my brand new invention, Something grabs a hold of me tightly,
Slapping and a Choppin daily and nightly, Will Vince ever stop? Yo I don't know. Turn off the lights and get bit by a hoe!

Obama Killed Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T14:26:00.004-04:00

So we all know that Jeremiah Wright was obama's pastor and 'mentor'. Wright believes that the US government created AIDS (see video) to kill black people and bestowed this knowledge to his young padawan obama.

Based upon years of rigorous research and studying of Pulp Fiction and Boyz in the Hood I can conclude that obama and wright don't dig on swine. One night while working in a top secret basement hideout of Auntie Wright's house, ~~Osama~~ obama and the rev. created the H1N1 virus.

Since they don't dig on swine, it would be the perfect way to infect only white devils in retrobution for all the victims of AIDS. They called it Swine Flu, as code so that people who don't dig on swine will naturally remember to stay away from the Swine Flu.

But there was one major variable they didn't consider...

They had forgotten that one of their own, the king of pop himself who once renounced Swine, but now to keep up his facade as a "white male" began experimenting ~~white boy sausage~~ with swine. That's right folks Michael Jackson died of Swine Flu, perpetrated by Obama.

That or I heard that he died of food poising from eating 6 year old nutts.

More BloodNinja

2009-06-25T10:33:00.003-04:00

This one is two parts... Enjoy

Bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
Bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, Bloodninja.
Bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
Bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
Bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
Bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
Bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
Bloodninja: Don't f**k with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
Bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece.
Bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
Bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
Bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
Bloodninja: Baby?
________________________________________________________________
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f**k, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh s**t
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f((k up.
eminemBNJA: Oh s((t
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

Bare Hands or A Bat

2009-06-22T13:50:00.003-04:00

Sometimes it makes my stomach turn when I see stuff like this. I am still boycotting mtv and for good reason, aside from the fact that they haven't played a video since Ed Lover and Dr Dre left (no the other Dr Dre), they continuously glamorize douche bags.

It's not so much that I hate these people, the meat heads, fist pumpers, spray on tans, and metro-sexuals...I actually feel bad for some of them, well who am I kidding I really do hate them. But the idea that they still get smoking hot chicks really makes me want to commit senseless acts of violence towards them and their parents for not intervening.

Not to mention the influence they are having on the younger generations, the kids still growing up thinking that they too are supposed to get a tan from a bottle and not from playing tackle football without pads on a sunny Saturday afternoon.

Now that I got that out of the way I ask you; please let me know through your comments, would you rather beat them with your bare hands or with a bat?

MTV Shows

WTF

2009-06-22T09:50:00.001-04:00

I had to watch this 3 times in a row because I was so enthralled with it and I love penguins for some reason.

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

The DWI Test

2009-06-19T14:49:00.002-04:00

I highly doubt this is legit but its funny. I wish this guy was my uncle because I would hang with him all the time.

The Saga Continues

2009-06-19T14:46:00.001-04:00

So here is another clip from bloodninja, I swear I was almost crying by the time i was done reading it. Its a little log but well worth it. DU IT.

sweet17: Hi
Bloodninja: hello
Bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
Bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
Bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
Bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
Bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
Bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
Bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
Bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
Bloodninja: Don't f**king laugh at me!
Bloodninja: This s**t is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
Bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a f**king break
Bloodninja: I'm serious.
sweet17: I don't get it
Bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
Bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
Bloodninja: It's kind of embarrasing.
Bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
Bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are f**king sick.
Bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
Bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
Bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: I'm not a cop i told you
Bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
Bloodninja: Hurry up.
Bloodninja: Are you there?
Bloodninja: F**k you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
Bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Bloodninja: Weren't you!?
sweet17: thats not it
Bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
Bloodninja: Most cops aren't
sweet17: IM NOT A F**KING COP YOU A**HOLE!
Bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail?
Bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
Bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: I've lost weight since then.
Bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
Bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
Bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17: yes
Bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
Bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isn't you.
Bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!
sweet17: You don't look like that.
Bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
Bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
Bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go f**k yourself
Bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
Bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
Bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
Bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you
Bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: F((K YOU!!!
Bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.
sweet17: You're a F**KING A**HOLE!
sweet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
Bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.
sweet17: No you aren't
Bloodninja: You're right. I'm not.
Bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17: I'm done with you
Bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.
sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore
Bloodninja: Wait a sec
Bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
Bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
Bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty
sweet17: You'll what?
Bloodninja: You heard me.
Bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
Bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men.
Bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
Bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I don't know
Bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: I'm afraid to
Bloodninja: Why?
sweet17: cause
Bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you?
Bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
Bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
sweet17: I didn't say that
Bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
Bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
Bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
Bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
Bloodninja: ok?
Bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You can't be serious
Bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
Bloodninja: It's my fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
Bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
Bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
Bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
Bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
Bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
Bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
Bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth c**t.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
Bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.
sweet17: Har
Bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
Bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
Bloodninja: I softly suck on your cl*t bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
Bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
Bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
Bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
Bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
Bloodninja: ...still limp
Bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
Bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your a**hole.
Bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
Bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
Bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
Bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
Bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A F**KING PYSCHO!!
Bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Bloodninja: And turn you into a f**king candy apple...
Bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17: F**K YOU A**HOLE!!
Bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
Bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
Bloodninja: ...going limp again.
Bloodninja: Hello?
Bloodninja: Say it!
Bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

Bird is the Word

2009-06-19T09:12:00.000-04:00

I don't really understand this show, i think it was like Pokemon but its Japanese and there are a lot of Japanese things i don't understand so i share them with you. But everyone loves bird is the word.

The IM

2009-06-18T17:39:00.000-04:00

So its another IM between me and Mr M. its interesting that there is a common theme across most of our chats as you will see. I think we are both a little warped.

Mr M: bumped into (insert girl you were fooling around with) at xxxxx last night

she moved back into the city apparently

Blog Slob: oh yeah

yeah i knew she was in the city...

Mr M: 28th st

cool

Blog Slob: i was out with her on last week

Mr M: that's funny

Blog Slob: she looks like shit

Mr M: i randomly went out with a few girls last night to a bar i would normally never go to.. and there she was...

yeah she does

Blog Slob: ill still dump my load down her throat

Mr M: hahahahahahahaha

i dunno dude..

she is looking rotund

Blog Slob: hahhaa

Mr M: she had some cute girls with her though

Blog Slob: ive seen you with some very large mamals in the past

Mr M: that was the past.

Blog Slob: oh the new mr m doesnt bring home the "bacon" anymore

hahahha

swine free diet

Mr M: i'm not gettin' close to the amount of action i was gettin' in my hoggin' days

Blog Slob: its a fine line between beggars cant be choosers and good things come to those who wait

Mr M: get this

so i am out last night drinking

Blog Slob: ...

Mr M: i leave the bar say around 1am

Blog Slob: zzzz

Mr M: have the cab driver drop me off at the mcdonalds

i devour

Blog Slob: you didnt fall asleep there did you

Mr M: 2 quarter pounders

2 cheese burgers

Blog Slob: omg

Mr M: and a 10 piece nugget

Blog Slob: keep em comming

keep em comming

Mr M: best part

Blog Slob: vanilla shake?

please

say vanilla shake

Mr M: i walked up to the drive

Blog Slob: hahahahaha

Mr M: through

the guy goes

we generally don't do this

so i wink in the security camera and toss him a $4.00 tip

you can imagine how thirsty i was this morning

You Figure it Out

2009-06-18T16:27:00.001-04:00

Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog

Spider Payment

2009-06-18T16:24:00.000-04:00

So this one has been around for a while but I still think its fantastic and worth posting if you've never see it. you have to read the whole chain its brilliant.

Rewind

2009-06-18T12:49:00.001-04:00

I just had to re-watch the first post "It Began in the Beginning" because all of these others ones pale in comparison. If you haven't watched it yet, go to it and crank the volume up to 11. DU IT

Handicapped Movers

2009-06-18T10:33:00.000-04:00

This site is funny... This guy finds random classified ads and replies to them. I thought this one was great, but theres more if you want to check them out.

http://dontevenreply.com/

Original ad:
I am looking for help moving on June 23rd into my new apartment. We will need to load everything from my old apartment into a truck, and then drive to my new place and unload it. I have a lot of furniture that is very heavy, as well as a big screen tv that is bulky. We will need to lift a lot of this stuff down three flights of stairs since it won't fit in my elevator. I will pay $25/hr.

From Mike Anderson to *********@**********.org
Good afternoon!

I saw your ad asking for help moving your furniture into your new apartment. I was wondering if you would be interested in hiring my son. I need him to have a job like this so he can feel better about himself. He has been paralyzed from the neck down for five years now. I always encourage him to do normal things like mow the lawn, take out the trash, etc. so he can still feel important even though he does not have the use of his arms or legs. This job would be a huge boost in his self-esteem and with a little help I am sure he can do it. Please consider him!

Mike

From ***********@hotmail.com to Me
Mike,

I'm sorry, but I don't think this job would be appropriate for your son. A lot of the stuff I need to move is very large and heavy. He sounds like a good kid, but I don't think he would be able to do this. Thanks for the offer, though.

Jerry

From Mike Anderson to ************@hotmail.com
Jerry,

I think you are underestimating my son. He can do anything he puts his mind to. I told him I got him a job and he was so excited. Do I really have to go and tell him that the guy changed his mind because he hates handicapped people?

Mike

From ***********@hotmail.com to Me

Oh man...

I don't hate handicapped people. I really just don't see how your son can help, no offense. How can he move anything with his arms and legs? You said he mows the lawn and takes out the trash, how is that even possible?

I apologize, but next time you shouldn't tell your son you got him a job before making sure it is ok with the employer.

Jerry

From Mike Anderson to ************@hotmail.com
Jerry,

Don't tell me how to raise my son. You don't see me telling you how to move your furniture, do you? You never even met my son, and already you are telling me what he can and can't do. He does a great job mowing the lawn. We tied the lawn mower to the back of his wheelchair and he drags it around. You'd be surprised how much torque that wheelchair has. It makes him feel normal again.

I don't have the heart to tell him that he won't be doing this job, so would you be able to come over here and tell him yourself that you hate him and will not hire him? It is the least you could do.

Mike

From ***********@hotmail.com to Me

You've got to be kidding me. This conversation is over.

The Vet and His Wife

2009-06-17T22:06:00.000-04:00

There is a lot we can learn from our elders. Take this comic for example. He is definitely a Korean war vet and clearly he is the one who wears the pants in family. I was also informed by uncle bill that this is just another example of you should never get married

Girls In My Life

2009-06-17T21:54:00.000-04:00

So This is another IM conversation I somehow got roped into. Why is it that all the girls I know are nutts? The Names have been changed to protect the not so innocent

Blogslob: why are you sending me messages at 6 am

Crazy Girl: idk

Did ur girlfriend get mad or something

Blogslob: what the heck are you doing up that early

Crazy Girl: Lol

Idk

I went back to sleep

Blogslob: did you diddle yourself to sleep

Crazy Girl: No

Blogslob: howcome

Crazy Girl: I was too busy drooling and snooring and farting

Blogslob: nice

i could plug up every one of those functions

Crazy Girl: Lolol yuck

R u at work

Blogslob: yup

wanna take me to dinner tonight

Crazy Girl: Hmmm

Y tonight

Blogslob: why not

Crazy Girl: Is it ur birthday

Blogslob: it could be

Crazy Girl: Only if ur let me stretch ur sphincter

Blogslob: with what

Crazy Girl: My fist

YEAHHHHHHH!

Blogslob: hmmm

Crazy Girl: OK JUST A FINGER

COME ONEEEE

ILL MASSAGE UR COLON

Blogslob: which one are we doign first

Crazy Girl: LOL

Blogslob: we have to do dinenr first

Crazy Girl: WHICH ONE DO U WANT FIRST

Nah we play then we eat

After ur butthole is all relaxed

Blogslob: i dont want to go eat with a girl who has poopy fingers

Crazy Girl: The food u eat can fall right out

Ill let u lick them clean

Free of charge

Blogslob: your just nasty

Crazy Girl: Why yes I am :D

Lolol

Blogslob: so i guess you dont

did you ever see who framed roger rabbit

Crazy Girl: Yes

Gorillas are Going Bananas, Whats That Aboot?

2009-06-17T14:58:00.000-04:00

These gorillas are getting more violent everyday. So if its not bad enough that Gorillas go wild and tear off your face and eyes, now zoo keepers are arming them with prison shanks.

CALGARY - Onlookers at the Calgary Zoo were shocked Tuesday when a western lowland gorilla picked up a knife and pointed it at a troop mate, then placed it on a chair for the keepers to remove.
"He grabbed the knife exactly in the correct position and he smelled it and looked at it," said Calgarian Joe Scheffler, who was at the zoo with his wife, Heike. "A few seconds later, another gorilla came and he was very interested.
"He tried to get the knife, it seems to me that the gorilla with the knife was a little bit angry and he lifted his hand with the knife."
"It was just (like) a scene from a crime," added Scheffler, whose wife snapped photos of the incident.
Visitors were visibly shaken by the scene and wondered aloud where the gorilla would get a knife.
Laurie Herron, spokeswoman for the Calgary Zoo, said the knife was accidentally left by one of the gorilla keepers who was cleaning out the exhibit earlier Tuesday morning.
"He dropped it," Herron explained. "One of the other keepers or a volunteer came and told him that the gorillas had a knife and he was like, 'Oh, crap."

______________________________________________________________

So traditionally western lowlands gorillas are not know to be the violent types, but its still dangerous for one to be walking around with a blade. But what else did we learn?

We know that the gorilla smelled the blade (which is important)
Schefflers wife Heiki (who for some reason is mentioned like 10 times in this article) was scared.
Visitors wondered aloud where the gorilla got a knife (naturally)
The zoo keeper was smart enough to add "oh crap" after another zoo keeper or a volunteer (not sure which one) told him about it.

This truly is top notch reporting even for a canadian news channel. But until our neighbors to the north can quit monkeying around, how can we expect the... well, monkeys?

Anyway you can see the whole article here -> http://www.globaltv.com/globaltv/calgary/Gorilla+knife+scare+Calgary/1702418/story.html

AA-12

2009-06-17T11:44:00.001-04:00

Behold the AA-12 Automatic shotgun. This thing is incredible...Listen, if I am in enemy territory with my back to the wall that's the gun i want with a full 12-gauge round clip. Zombie Apocalypse... no problem, nothing can kill you. Imagine you had a farm full of zombie pigs and you could feed people to them. Think about it...

Wrong Island

2009-06-17T10:35:00.000-04:00

So I just caught this video and I'm not a huge fan of the daily show but this was good. Especially since I live in Jersey and wouldn't really mind if Long Island became its own state, then later sank into the Atlantic or better yet if Jaws came back, attracted to all the aqua-net and axe body spray to eat everyone on the south shore. Thanks Gary

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Long Island Wants to Secede

thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Jason Jones in Iran

Pork Chop Sandwiches

2009-06-17T09:55:00.000-04:00

So I was a huge fan of GI Joe when I was a kid, I also like porkchop sandwiches sometimes. This is a classic, probably the best of the GI Joe PSA gags. Gary is a big fan too btw.

Mr Mayor

2009-06-17T09:41:00.000-04:00

Mr Mayor is also Monte Python esque. I thing this video is great because its only 5 seconds and after watching it I walk around singing it all day. Besides who doesn't want to dump in a baby carriage once in a while.

Mr. Mayor!!! from 5-Second Films on Vimeo.

YTMND - 3 Inches of Bloodsport

2009-06-17T09:34:00.000-04:00

So I Couldn't figure out how to get this posted here, but the link is great especially if your a fan of Bloodsport. Turn up the volume and soak in the goodness.

YTMND - 3 Inches of Bloodsport

The IMs

2009-06-17T09:24:00.000-04:00

So everyone talks about these texts from lastnight. What ever happened to IMing people, I get IMs all the time, everyone does it, but no one ever posts about them. Here is a little excerpt between me and Mr M

Mr M: so i wake up this morning11:30 AM and the girl i was with is servicing me and i tell her to hop on
Mr M: to ya'know kick it up a notch
Mr M: and she says "as long as you get off, i am happy"
Blog Slob: ...
Mr M: wtf is that?
Blog Slob: hahah nice
Blog Slob: did you STB
Mr M: i was like ok, keep going 11:31 AM
Mr M: stb?
Blog Slob: SHAKE THAT BEAR
Mr M: hahahahaha...last night, yes

Gary Busey

2009-06-17T09:14:00.000-04:00

I wish I could take credit for this...Gary Busey is now multiplying into the creatures from Demon Night. I love Busey for how crazy he is, like the video of him teaching how to eat oysters or going nuts on camera. I'm gonna have to put them up soon.

Childrens Television Sausage Factory

2009-06-17T09:06:00.000-04:00

I was a pretty big fan of this show back in the day, figured Id share the wealth. In retrospect there are a lot of similarities between the intro and monte python. Ddd'I heard that!

My Shoes

2009-06-16T22:34:00.000-04:00

I love this picture... It cant be easy being a mailman, especially when you encounter a dog wearing your shoes.

Cleveland

2009-06-16T21:10:00.000-04:00

So This is supposedly a "Hastily made video about Cleveland" I guess I would go to see "this guy" and maybe ride the train thats taking jobs away.

The Saga of Blood Ninja

2009-06-16T21:06:00.000-04:00

So This is the Saga Of Blood Ninja, Its a guy who likes to start "Cybering" with random girls. If you imagine this dialogue in a dirtytalk kinda voice its hysterical (at least to me). For some reason it never got real big but I wanted to add some of it today to share with everyone.

Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

Tsim Fuckus

2009-06-16T20:40:00.000-04:00

So some of you may have seen Tsim Fuckus already but his account was closed. Probably because his mother realized what he was doing in his room by himself, and it didn't include an old sock and website. This is one of my favorites, I dont laugh at people with misfortunes but I laugh cause this kid is out of his mind. As my buddy Mr M said "the left eyeball is in the right socket and the right eyeball is in the left socket...the poor kid is never gonna feel the warmth of a vagina" Let his short lived fame continue.

Did Anyone Ever Consider What Bonnie Tyler Really Meant?

2009-06-16T20:33:00.001-04:00

Here's the literal version of Bonny Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart". I thought this was funny but it gets a little long. Although there are a few gems in there.

The Cougar Chart

2009-06-16T20:15:00.000-04:00

One must always remember the cougar chart when classifying women. Example: "I was at the hotel bar and I saw this chick, she must have been about 25 or so" this is acceptable.

However: "I saw this cougar, she must have been about 36 or so, sucking down drinks like there was no tomorrow. So I went up to her and laid the hog right on the bar" This is not only incorrect, because the cougar must be 40 or over, but a puma won't accept the hog the way a cougar will..especially at a hotel bar.

It Began In The Beginning

2009-06-16T19:59:00.000-04:00

So I wanted to start things off with something powerful. Hopefully you can all find the humor in these as they grow.

So it Doesn't get much better than Helen Hunt on Speed to the tune of Hall & Oates with a little Keyboard Kitty peppered in. I implore you to stay till the end...WEEEEEEE!